Major Crisis Looming- NORAD Scrambles Jets to find Missing Santa! Al Gore Deeply Concerned!
Posted: Wednesday, December 09, 2009
by Ken McCreless
RMS1437
Greetings Fellow Travelers ...
Yes, it is true. Our much beloved Santa Claus has turned up missing, confirmed by an intense satellite sweep of the North Pole. It had been reported that our Jolly Old Elf had been detained in El Paso Texas by Homeland Security agents for refusing to remove his boots at the local airport, but that has been confirmed as being a vicious rumor started by an unscrupulous wannabe writer from South Texas.
NORAD has scrambled several groups of fighter jets and ordered them to investigate every minute detail of every tip provided by the FBI, Homeland Security, and Street Junkies Union of America, (SJUoA). .
This most distressing event has children all over the world worried as to what, if anything, will be under the tree on Christmas morning. Many adults share that same horrid thought.
In his typical humanitarian fashion, former VP Al Gore has graciously offered his private jet to be used to trackdown the alleged culprit most suspected to have taken Santa- the heinous ozone hole.
It was speculated, and has since been confirmed, that the famous sport legend John Madden has been called into service in this pursuit. I have been assured that his favorite dry erase board has been loaded into what is temporarily being called the "Bring Santa Home Now!" plane, or the BS Express.
President Obama has contacted the Chinese government in hopes of securing the $125 billion dollars that the initial cost of the Santa crisis is expected to incur. The Federal Money Printers, (no, not congress), have been placed on high alert in the likely event China refuses to lend us any more cash.
How can you help?
Forfeit all personal rights immediately. How can our wise and knowing government expedite this vital and superfluous mission with common folks trying to think for themselves?
Would the Federal Government take such quick and decisive action if they did not know what is best for us?
Secondly, stop exhaling.
It's bad enough that Al Gore felt the need to offer his private jet to look for Santa. Do we have to make the hole in the ozone, I mean, should it ever be found, bigger with our CO2?
Why do you always think of yourself?
What's the matter with you?
Anyway?
Yes, it is true. Our much beloved Santa Claus has turned up missing, confirmed by an intense satellite sweep of the North Pole. It had been reported that our Jolly Old Elf had been detained in El Paso Texas by Homeland Security agents for refusing to remove his boots at the local airport, but that has been confirmed as being a vicious rumor started by an unscrupulous wannabe writer from South Texas.
This most distressing event has children all over the world worried as to what, if anything, will be under the tree on Christmas morning. Many adults share that same horrid thought.
In his typical humanitarian fashion, former VP Al Gore has graciously offered his private jet to be used to trackdown the alleged culprit most suspected to have taken Santa- the heinous ozone hole.
It was speculated, and has since been confirmed, that the famous sport legend John Madden has been called into service in this pursuit. I have been assured that his favorite dry erase board has been loaded into what is temporarily being called the "Bring Santa Home Now!" plane, or the BS Express.
President Obama has contacted the Chinese government in hopes of securing the $125 billion dollars that the initial cost of the Santa crisis is expected to incur. The Federal Money Printers, (no, not congress), have been placed on high alert in the likely event China refuses to lend us any more cash.
How can you help?
Forfeit all personal rights immediately. How can our wise and knowing government expedite this vital and superfluous mission with common folks trying to think for themselves?
Would the Federal Government take such quick and decisive action if they did not know what is best for us?
Secondly, stop exhaling.
It's bad enough that Al Gore felt the need to offer his private jet to look for Santa. Do we have to make the hole in the ozone, I mean, should it ever be found, bigger with our CO2?
Why do you always think of yourself?
What's the matter with you?
Anyway?
Ken McCreless is just a guy who loves to write, and was born to do so. He is a freelance writer with several projects ongoing, including books and magazines. A huge fan of both irony and history, Ken has dedicated his life and his writing to serve the Lord Jesus Christ.
This Article has been viewed 1,860 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Yo-ho-ho.....much needed levity today! MarijoThank you, Marijo!
Dude - I'm so loving this side of you oozing out around these parts these days!!! Keep them coming. And what's this about you turning to writing full time?!! Nice - you owe me an email with all the details :-) Many blessings to you bro-bro!Thank you so much, Sis.I do owe you an email- lots to say. Definitely a time of change for me.
Gee whiz! Tiger Woods and now this- I think I'll find a nice cave and hibernate 'til May.I feel your pain, Carolyn.Poor little rich Tiger, what's he to do now? Or, who?
Very well written.... Intelligent, humorous, sarcastic, metaphorical... Excellent job Ken...!Thank you, Kenny. While your description of me is deadly accurate, I feel that my modesty is my best attribute.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.