Playing the Role of a Professional Victim Ruins Lives and will Sabotage Success
Posted: Friday, August 07, 2009
by Ken McCreless
RMS1437
Greetings Fellow Travelers ...
I know someone who is, what I call, a professional victim. Do you know anyone like this?
This person has exacted worlds of pain and grief on myself and has ruined the lives of people dear to me just to maintain the role of victim. Instead of forging ahead and making progress, these folks have opted to whine and cry and blame their problems on everything and everyone else in the universe.
The problem? That is NOT how one gets ahead in this world.
Each of us must make an accurate assessment of our lives in order to achieve our dreams. But, when your dream is to sit back and take NO responsibility for yourself and play the victim- continuously- and recruit others to do the same, you throw away the essential elements needed for success.
Initiative- Professional victims are bottom feeders who sit and wait for sustenance to waft down to them. Unlike people with an actual crisis to deal with, a PV will put on an act, refusing to use any and all resources available to them in order to propagate the "victim" ruse.
But the reward is there, because people see them as victims, and give them help. Their pitiful and decrepit performance is rewarded, and initiative dies. Success is measured by donations and other freebies, rather than by accomplishment.
Drive- What motivates you? What prompts you to go to work? What if you could lower your standards to the "just getting by" level, on purpose, and then "squeak by" by simply pasting a sad, helpless look on your face, would you do it?
The PV would, and does. Having an actual drive to excel would devastate the lifestyle of the PV. Wanting to make your own way would eliminate the ability to quit a job just so you could sleep late. Setting up your own carrot to follow would take you right out of the realm of the victim.
Stability- Everyone needs a soft place to land after being out in the world all day. We have a good chance of achieving our dreams if we first have a dream, then the initiative to pursue that dream, the drive to overcome obstacles in the way of our dream, and some stability to provide security that will allow us to take a chance.
But if our livelihood depends on peoples generosity toward the unfortunate, then we MUST remain unfortunate. Any achievements would undermine what we have so pitifully avoided any inconvenience for.
As you probably have guessed, this is a rant, a vent of nuclear proportions. Someone very dear to me has been duped into this lifestyle, likely for the perceived "convenience" of self-inflicted poverty. It is a heartbreaking and grossly depressing scenario that makes me literally hate the person responsible.
But then, these folks have volunteered for this. I am hated and ostracized because of my pro-work and self-motivating mindset. The way I see it , the secret lies in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, namely, a time and place for everything.
Here is a paraphrased version.
A time to work and a time to play
A time to give and a time to receive
A time to be a victim (an actual victim)
A time to help out a victim (an actual victim)
But never a time to make a vocation out of being a victim.
I know someone who is, what I call, a professional victim. Do you know anyone like this?
This person has exacted worlds of pain and grief on myself and has ruined the lives of people dear to me just to maintain the role of victim. Instead of forging ahead and making progress, these folks have opted to whine and cry and blame their problems on everything and everyone else in the universe.
Each of us must make an accurate assessment of our lives in order to achieve our dreams. But, when your dream is to sit back and take NO responsibility for yourself and play the victim- continuously- and recruit others to do the same, you throw away the essential elements needed for success.
Initiative- Professional victims are bottom feeders who sit and wait for sustenance to waft down to them. Unlike people with an actual crisis to deal with, a PV will put on an act, refusing to use any and all resources available to them in order to propagate the "victim" ruse.
But the reward is there, because people see them as victims, and give them help. Their pitiful and decrepit performance is rewarded, and initiative dies. Success is measured by donations and other freebies, rather than by accomplishment.
Drive- What motivates you? What prompts you to go to work? What if you could lower your standards to the "just getting by" level, on purpose, and then "squeak by" by simply pasting a sad, helpless look on your face, would you do it?
The PV would, and does. Having an actual drive to excel would devastate the lifestyle of the PV. Wanting to make your own way would eliminate the ability to quit a job just so you could sleep late. Setting up your own carrot to follow would take you right out of the realm of the victim.
Stability- Everyone needs a soft place to land after being out in the world all day. We have a good chance of achieving our dreams if we first have a dream, then the initiative to pursue that dream, the drive to overcome obstacles in the way of our dream, and some stability to provide security that will allow us to take a chance.
But if our livelihood depends on peoples generosity toward the unfortunate, then we MUST remain unfortunate. Any achievements would undermine what we have so pitifully avoided any inconvenience for.
As you probably have guessed, this is a rant, a vent of nuclear proportions. Someone very dear to me has been duped into this lifestyle, likely for the perceived "convenience" of self-inflicted poverty. It is a heartbreaking and grossly depressing scenario that makes me literally hate the person responsible.
But then, these folks have volunteered for this. I am hated and ostracized because of my pro-work and self-motivating mindset. The way I see it , the secret lies in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, namely, a time and place for everything.
Here is a paraphrased version.
A time to work and a time to play
A time to give and a time to receive
A time to be a victim (an actual victim)
A time to help out a victim (an actual victim)
But never a time to make a vocation out of being a victim.
Ken McCreless is just a guy who loves to write, and was born to do so. He is a freelance writer with several projects ongoing, including books and magazines. A huge fan of both irony and history, Ken has dedicated his life and his writing to serve the Lord Jesus Christ.
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More commentsThe professional victims I have run across are usually neither professional nor victims. They are just sad, terribly sad and lonely people who think the only way to get attention is to play off the compassion of others. Perhaps they truly believe they are a 'victim', or perhaps they are innundated with miserable people living miserable lives and simply don't know any better. Regardless, there are those who are the scammers and con artists (actually those would be professionals, right?) , and then there are those who just don't realize their life is their own.You bring up an interesting topic here, Ken. Politically speaking, I wonder how many bailouts and handouts would be tossed around without people playing victim? You know when banks and car makers cry poor - as if they were blindsided by this economy as opposed to having a hand in it - and then get paid, there is a serious problem with the way this society looks at victims.Very well done.There does seem to be degrees of PV, the lowest being the guy who CAN work but insteads holds a sign saying he "Will work ..." , all the way up to the "fall down artist" who inundate the courts with litigation to get another big check in the mail. And let's not forget the welfare scammer.Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Michael. I really appreciate it.
Hi Ken.I agree with Michael's comment about some of these people just not realizing that their life is their own. I do know someone who takes the role of victim for the most part. It is indeed painful to see. Recently, I figured out that by helping this person I was enabling this person to continue on with the same sorts of behaviors. Since deciding to stop my enabling behaviors, I've heard from and seen a lot less of this person. They're no longer getting what they want from me.There have been others, but maybe none quite so bad as what you are dealing with. I'm sorry you've had a PV attach itself to you. It's probably your kind and compassionate nature that has caused this.I don't think you were at all bad for getting tough and saying what you did about the rocks. I'm reminded of something a counselor asked me once when I was having a difficulty with my life. It made me look at the situation more rationally. I hope that you come successfully to some sort of resolution with your PV.Respectfully,DianneThank you so much, Dianne.I have come to something of a resolution with this person, it's the recruits that are breaking my heart. These are people who are smart enough to do very well in life but have chosen to take the lowest of low roads.And you are right not to help a PV. I have learned- the hard way- that helping someone like that only breeds animosity towards the giver.Goid Bless you and yours, Dianne.
Ken,I know people like you prescribed in you article. It's a shame. The Bible speaks against proverty. Like overeating people do not realize it is a sin to overeat. Thank you for sharing and bring to light such a important issue.Sincerely,LawrenceThank you, Lawrence.Is there anything God cannot do?
Ken, yes, I've known several victims. One woman I dated couldn't firgure out why the guys she dated always seem to be taking advantage of her (not me, of course; one date was sufficient for me to realize what I had to do: RUN!) But the sad news, as you stated, is that there are so many out there who nurture this type of behavior. Sad but true. Thanks for the thoughtful writing, brohter.Thank you, Jeff."different strokes for different folks," but Wowsers! Why would anyone choose to be poor?
Great write Ken! I know many professional victims and it gets old hearing their stories. Thanks for sharing!Thank you, Laura.We all need help sometimes, but self-sufficiency should be our goal, right?
Interesting insight and I like how you included hope in your piece.Thank you, Edward.I am a big fan of hope. Where would we be without it?
Excellent work bro-bro. You ranted, but you provided great insight and information. Perhaps a professional victim will read this and see a few things about themselves that they would like to change. You give hope and info on how to do this. Great well-balanced write! Blessings to you. Sis!Thank you,Sis.I can assure you that the following words have made a big difference in my life.Mea Culpa
These professional victims intentionally or not are a nuclear train wreck that suck the joy right out of others. Their mantra is "It's a miserable Life". If only I had x, if only I would have received y from z, my life would be so much better they say. I know this from personal experience as my father is a PV. Living with this for 18 years was hell. There was never a complete enjoyable day, every day he would be angry about something. Every day. 18 years x 365 days. That is 6,570 days I was in PV training buy one of the best. Of course he was an alchoholic and chain smoker, and after AA he substituted food for beer, now he is bigger than a whale. Of course we have to add racist to the mix. Of course he is a staunch Rush Limbaugh fan, listens to him every day, and that gets him even more riled up. Of course he loves me and calls me every day. And no I don't want any advice from anyone about this situation.Ok, no advice.Thank you, Mark for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it.Good luck to you, sir.
Just stumbled on this article Ken--I agree with it 100%. Your qoote, "I am hated and ostracized because of my pro-work and self-motivating mindset" Amazing some folk are that way!
Nice
Steve
I am glad I found this article. I am currently a PV's victim.November 2010 she called me during a meeting I was in. It was so dramatic, or so it seemed I left the meeting to go outside. It was her mother's fault, apparantly.6 weeks ago she moved in to rent one of my spare rooms. She is 34, I am 54, we are not in any relationship, I jjust need the extra cash, or so I thought I was going to get.In 6 weeks she has paid just 50.00 rent. Rent is 100.00 per week, or it was supposed to.She can sleep all day, with her small dog.I can go on and on. Todat the rent is supposedly due. I CAN pay the rent, but we are supposed to be helping each other out. I am on disability pension. She "plays the system" getting the gov handouts.I am now depressed, I have not seen her for 3 days, she may call to ask if there has been any mail.I now have to make a stand, Friday is when I pay my rent. If she does not pay me any rent, I have no choice but to put her belongings in another room.Sje has the spar keys to my Gov rented home. She has many other people on her list to call for lifts, due to her apparent "urgency". I have a car, but I "cannot affor to run it", it is in the shed, "the brakes don't work"...So I catch a bus. She does not lijke the inconvenience of catching busses, even with me she does not have to pay, I have a special bus because I am truly a pensioner with disabilty.I know, this sounds like I been had.There is some level of fear, she has male associates, but I can defend myself if it comes to that, when I ask her to leave and leave me in my peace.I have no real family to help, my life is simple and I do community and charity.Yes, I know, we the "soft hearts" are the prey. I know.My next move is to chnage the locks, this I will do on Friday if I recieve no rent.I have no other choice.Truth, good for you for being strong and speaking truth. When you are on the tightrope you are currently walking, truth is not only your balance, it is also the fact of foot on rope. Let her non-truth and excuse-itis stay away from your performance, as it's yours and you've lived a lot of experience so far. Hard choice, good choice.
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