How Not to Write a Poem- My View From the Moon
Posted: Sunday, March 22, 2009
by Ken McCreless
RMS1437
Greetings Fellow Travelers…
The following is a direct result of the inspiration I have received from Gary Halsey and David Pekrul. They only have themselves to blame…
My View From the Moon
I know she is down there, or over there
I feel her when I look up, down, under, but
She is hidden behind distance, clouds ten
Thousand miles across, swirling amongst vast
Seas and masking the masses.
I am here, and my chest has
No heartbeat, no substance sustaining
Life, she holds my life and counts each
Thump, and worries my hollow space
Will fill with disinterest.
I am ceased, all movement, all sensation
Ceased, wondering if she has indeed
Forgotten her heart is in
My hands, as I count every beat and
Seek to ease her fear.
I am in a dream abandoned on this
Rock, grey and lifeless and draining my
Soul to provide and to carry on though mother
Earth sought to erase my very
Being, to nullify my quintessence.
I will not stop, I will not
Quit, I must make it back to my
World, my verve, mi amor, mi vida
Mi Corazon, only then will I not despise this
Cold and wretched place.
Ken McCreless is just a guy who loves to write, and was born to do so. He is a freelance writer with several projects ongoing, including books and magazines. A huge fan of both irony and history, Ken has dedicated his life and his writing to serve the Lord Jesus Christ.
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)Hi Ken, Brilliiant. This actually made me think of my husband who is so far away. I told him not to forget about me and not to get used to waking up without me by his side.Did you write this about being far from your wife? Or I did I totally miss the boat on this and insert my own selfish thoughts :-)I think you are off to a great start with poetry. It might be in your blood afterall. Blessings fellow traveler. TeresaNo, Sis, you got it exactly right. She came to see me yesterday, left today and stayed at the apartment last night while I worked. My heart aches so much I can hardly think.Thank you...I know how both of you feel. I'm so glad she got to spend some time with you. I won't see Art again for 6 weeks. Thank God for cell phones! I sure would love to meet her. We could keep eachother encouraged. I would be honored and blessed to get to know her. If you think she is up for it, send her my way :-)
Ken, it is with great pleasure that I present to you.....Ta-Da....."The Halsey Award of Excellence", now that is free versing at its best. Lots of soul, lots of feeling, lots of sorrow, lots of pain.....very visual in it's content....in short..."I feel your pain".....Great job, and hey, if David and I can inspire such a piece, I am glad it all of our fault....Great job.....Keep on typin' my friend, Keep on typin!!!! Your pal, and fan.....Gary"I would like to thank the Academy, and all the little people I stepped on along the way!"Thank you, Gary. My love for writing is growing more and more everyday!
love breaks the heart as pain is the price we pay for loveHi Paul, Thank you for reading and commenting.You are right, but I would much rather suffer pain in order to experience love than not ever know love, wouldn't you?The poem was a powerhouse of suffering;you prefer to suffer ,rather than not experience love?After much love suffering,Ive realized that,that which doesnt kill you,hurts like hell for a very long time.If profound broken heart suffering insures a deepening of the soul,thank you,I shall prefer shallowness,thankyouverymuch!!paul"you prefer to suffer ,rather than not experience love?" Where did you get that?Actually, I do not prefer to suffer, but am willing to in order to experience love, as the poem says. Maybe you should go back and read it again.Your love of, and preference for, shallowness will prove to be your own personal hell, as it probably already has. If your past experience with love has made you so bitter then you need to let go of some baggage. Hanging on to those bitter feelings are robbing you of much joy, Paul, but if that is your choice, then ok, but I wasted enough time doing so.Wouldn't you like to have someone willing to love you at any cost?
I see your point. I am usually quite good at spotting themes and ideas in poetry but I found this one rather difficult.My goal was not to be too obvious, I guess it worked!!I appreciate your reading and commenting.
You see, now that's the kind of poetry that I would like to be able to write. Sometimes I think my stuff has no lustre, no mystery. And free-verse is something I have a really hard time with. But you have made it look easy.Well done; hope to see more.Thank you so much David, I am humbled. I had not written a poem in years until recently. Thank you for the inspiration and support.
Very funny but Nice poetry and well written.Nice try. But Mr.David is my best poet. Keep writting. You have a wonderful sense of humour.SwapnaDavid is awesome and I cannot wait for his book. I am not even trying to write on his level, just to say what is on my heart.Thank you, Swapna. I appreciate your kind words.
Seriously Brilliant...very nicely written...Even I am trying these days to write poems. I wrote 1/2. I think I will post it here sometime.God bless you Ken...God Bless You, sir! I am looking forward to reading your poems. They are such a wonderful way of expressing what the heart is feeling. Post them, Chiradeep- hurry!!Ken! please read my recent article. I have given a proposal. If you all will join with me then something visible will come out.
When you write pieces of art like this for me, I melt. You're right if i knew just how much you loved me i would just fall (hurry pick me up, please). I adore you mi vida. I miss YOU more than words can say. 1-4-3-7!!!!!!!
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