The Perils and Purloins of a Late and Latent Mid-Life Crisis
Posted: Thursday, March 12, 2009
by Ken McCreless
RMS1437
Greetings Fellow Travelers
Well, in January I celebrated my 47 th birthday. 47. Fore-dee-seven. How did this happen?
To make matters worse, I am in no position to pull off a decent mid-life crisis, like buying a Lamborghini or taking on Mount Everest . I did ride Expedition Everest at Disney World's Animal Kingdom Park, and that felt like I was pushing the envelope. Riding the Mission Space ride at Epcot nearly threw me into a catatonic state. Of course, I never let on that a week's worth of lunches nearly escaped.
So, what was I to do? I was miserably perplexed at the idea of wasting a perfectly good MLC and set out to find something that was within reach but not too dangerous.
The idea for a suitable change came to me as I was walking to my car, on my way to work a couple of weeks ago.
Hair gel.
That's right, hair gel. I have yet to meet a male relative, or see any photograph of a male relative, with the amount of hair on their head that I have. When my father was in his thirties he had little hair left, the typical "male pattern baldness" had come to him as it did all of his relatives. But it skipped me.
However, whenever I am in the wind, my hair goes nuts. Even inside, just walking around, my hair is in a persistent unruly state, requiring a continual "sweeping up of the hand over the forehead" maneuver just to be able to see.
So, since my wife is in cosmetology school, and has always been somewhat of an expert on hair anyway, I had her give me a style and teach me how to use gulp...hair gel.
Her instructions were clear enough at the time, but once I got to the valley and had to do it on my own my hair seized the opportunity to stage a coup. Every time I use the gel my hair comes out a different style. Seriously, sometimes it goes mostly right to left, sometimes more so back to front, but is always very wavy and independent. The part that was so defined and straight when my wife did it now has issues. It now seems to need more of a Beatles like "Long and Winding Road " direction, or lack of.
Yes, I do it the same way every time, and use the same amount of gel applied in the same manner. But my hair refuses to cooperate.
You see, I never have used gel before. I seem to remember my mother slathering my head with Vaseline before church as a small boy, but that's about it. I have always preferred the wild look, the Ranger, the Aragorn, son of Arathorn going to kill Orcs look, (insert Steppenwolf's "Born to be Wild"). I have even rarely worn a hat to accommodate such a rebellious and free attitude. But here I am.
I have noticed some snickers from co-workers at my new coiffure-ic stance. I wasn't sure what was so funny until it occurred to me to find a mirror and check on the status of my unruly mop. Sure enough, it had taken a different tack and was throwing out "feelers-" rogue hairs that had escaped the icy cold grip of the LA Looks Fresh scented gel.
After a few drops of water, some re-arranging and threatening, the hair decided to cooperate- for a while.
I may have to abandon this craziness, but I hate the thought of returning to the old "crazy hair" life.
OH NO! Have I finally grown up?
Well, in January I celebrated my 47 th birthday. 47. Fore-dee-seven. How did this happen?
To make matters worse, I am in no position to pull off a decent mid-life crisis, like buying a Lamborghini or taking on Mount Everest . I did ride Expedition Everest at Disney World's Animal Kingdom Park, and that felt like I was pushing the envelope. Riding the Mission Space ride at Epcot nearly threw me into a catatonic state. Of course, I never let on that a week's worth of lunches nearly escaped.
The idea for a suitable change came to me as I was walking to my car, on my way to work a couple of weeks ago.
Hair gel.
That's right, hair gel. I have yet to meet a male relative, or see any photograph of a male relative, with the amount of hair on their head that I have. When my father was in his thirties he had little hair left, the typical "male pattern baldness" had come to him as it did all of his relatives. But it skipped me.
However, whenever I am in the wind, my hair goes nuts. Even inside, just walking around, my hair is in a persistent unruly state, requiring a continual "sweeping up of the hand over the forehead" maneuver just to be able to see.
So, since my wife is in cosmetology school, and has always been somewhat of an expert on hair anyway, I had her give me a style and teach me how to use gulp...hair gel.
Her instructions were clear enough at the time, but once I got to the valley and had to do it on my own my hair seized the opportunity to stage a coup. Every time I use the gel my hair comes out a different style. Seriously, sometimes it goes mostly right to left, sometimes more so back to front, but is always very wavy and independent. The part that was so defined and straight when my wife did it now has issues. It now seems to need more of a Beatles like "Long and Winding Road " direction, or lack of.
Yes, I do it the same way every time, and use the same amount of gel applied in the same manner. But my hair refuses to cooperate.
You see, I never have used gel before. I seem to remember my mother slathering my head with Vaseline before church as a small boy, but that's about it. I have always preferred the wild look, the Ranger, the Aragorn, son of Arathorn going to kill Orcs look, (insert Steppenwolf's "Born to be Wild"). I have even rarely worn a hat to accommodate such a rebellious and free attitude. But here I am.
I have noticed some snickers from co-workers at my new coiffure-ic stance. I wasn't sure what was so funny until it occurred to me to find a mirror and check on the status of my unruly mop. Sure enough, it had taken a different tack and was throwing out "feelers-" rogue hairs that had escaped the icy cold grip of the LA Looks Fresh scented gel.
After a few drops of water, some re-arranging and threatening, the hair decided to cooperate- for a while.
I may have to abandon this craziness, but I hate the thought of returning to the old "crazy hair" life.
OH NO! Have I finally grown up?
Ken McCreless is just a guy who loves to write, and was born to do so. He is a freelance writer with several projects ongoing, including books and magazines. A huge fan of both irony and history, Ken has dedicated his life and his writing to serve the Lord Jesus Christ.
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More commentsNo Ken, that doesn't happen until your are fif-----teeee! (Of course with men, I question if growing up ever happens.)Seriously, humorously, great read. I can just see your hair now because without hairspray, I'm in the same boat. As great as I might be able to make it look, once I move it is all over!What about 50? After 50, you don't care!Thanks much,NancyHi Nancy.You are absolutely right about men never growing up, but we're still cute, right?Thank you for reading and commenting. Your thoughts are always appreciated.
What an interesting and unusual article. Most people write about middle-life- crises at 40 - you have held onto this for seven years. Well Done.Hi Connor. I took "being a child at heart" to heart and never looked back. Thanks for stopping by.
You should find your own style and stick to it. Whether you are 10 or 50 it doesn't matter. Good for you.My hair finds its own style, which is fine with me. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Eleanor, I appreciate it.
Sitting over here, laughing my butt off. You are one funny dude. I don't care HOW OLD you are...Hey thanks, Camille. People call me "wierd," and I say "Hey!! Thanks!!" I'm very glad you liked my article, and the best part is it's ALL TRUE!!!
Come on, Ken! Growing up? Real men NEVER grow up! Their toys just get more expensive! (Ask my wife...she'll tell you about my new computer...no, wait, I'd rather do it...!) Hilarious article, as always.Oh so true, Danny! Who wants to grow up and be responsible? Thank you for taking the time to read and respond, I really appreciate it.
Great confession Ken! Listen, don't let the snickers at work or the difficulty in learning to properly use hair gel get to you. I have always had fine (not coarse) hair that absolutely will not behave. Growing up, I used Jeris hair tonic, Wildroot Cream Oil, anything to keep my hair in place, then after becoming an adult, I started wearing a flattop, cut real short so it couldn't go anywhere. But hair gel is the finest thing since bacon.I shower at night. But, I've learned to leave my hair dry for a couple or three showers and here is why. When I wash my head, I dry off and towel dry my hair. Then I apply a goodly little blob of L.A.Looks mega-hold to my hair. I let itdry before I go to bed and the next morning, it feels like a plaster-cast on my head, but it combs out readily and believe it or not I can comb my hair into whatever shape I want it, then spray my hair lightly with water. and it stays in place all day long. then recomb the next morning and spray with water again. I never had it so good.Thanks for the tip, Joel, but my hair will never give in. I going to send off for an Acme Hair discipliner and that should do it!Thanks for reading and commenting, it's always appreciated.
Sir Ken!Once again a great article...Thank you for the kind words and the promotion! Does it come with a raise? Just kidding!
Ken, from a 64 year old, we boys nevr grow up totally, we just wear different hats at times. Good job.You are SO right, Robert, and I am grateful for that. It's more fun being a kid, at least at heart. Thanks for reading and commenting, your words mean a lot.
But hey Ken, look on the bright side, we've still got our hair. I'm 58 years old and my hair is thick and grows like a weed. Yea, it's silver, but that's okay. Some ladies even think it's sexy.Do you remember using Brylcreem when you were younger? That was really 'in' during the '50s and some of the '60s. I remember slathering it on so thick that if I went swimming, I would leave an oil slick when I dove into the pool.I think Brylcreem was right before my time...maybe...but I know my mother did trowel something slick and greasy on my head.Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it.
Great article,Ken, but I have only one thing to say--wait til you turn six-dee-ate! You'll have more problems than just thinning hair; I bet'ya!Have a great day.SandraYou are right, Sandra. But with my hair, with it's tenacious and ruthless persona, may just still be with me!!Thank you for reading and responding. I am honored for you to read my work.
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